It’s All Yogurt to Me

Don’t you just love Oakhurst milk?

They have found a nice balance between local/organic and, y’know, milk that you just buy at a deli: Oakhurst has a factory right here in Portland; they fought Big Milk against Bovine Grown Hormone; they have a cute mascot in Oakie who will come to your corporate picnic; and for the budget conscious, Oakhurst has a down market brand called Smiley whose packaging is even more banal than the Oakhurst label. In fact, the Smiley label looks a lot like the Hood product.

Which brings me to Hood.

Poor Hood. Hood also has a location in Portland but for some reason the company never gained traction among the smart set.

And here’s why:

Greek Frozen Yogurt.

I have been to Greece and I can tell you that there is nothing particular about Greek ice cream. In fact, apart from gelato, nationality does not come into play in the making of ice cream.

OK so Hood switched the adjective order so that they can be cool and capitalize on the whole big, thick, creamy, Greek yogurt fad.
(By the way Greek yogurt is basically regular yogurt that has been strained and is therefore thicker, you can do this at home with a bit of cheesecloth.)

But apart from bad grammar, frozen yogurt is thickened anyway by virtue of being–frozen. This is akin to another of my culinary peeves: Carmelized vidalia onions. People might think that since vidalia onions are sweet they will be even sweeter when carmelized. BUT, vidalias are sweet because they are grown in crummy low-nitrogen soil and develop fewer sugars and less of an oniony taste, thus vidalias don’t cook up as sweet as yellow onions.

And guess what: Greek Frozen Yogurt is pretty underwhelming as well.

Zack Barowitz

About Zack Barowitz

Zack Barowitz is a writer, artist, and flâneur. He is the radio host of "This Land Is" on WMPG Tuesday nights at 7:30. His work can be seen at